It started out fairly inconspicuously. It was a day like any other, until at four o’clock, as I was leaving the school building, my destination was not the heart of the village green, but the opposite end of town. First I went to get a haircut. There was nothing I could do about the beard anymore, since I don’t carry an emergency kit.
After wandering around town and etching its layout into my memory, I also consulted a public PC in the hope of finding the nearest barbershop. But I didn’t focus properly, so the attempt came to nothing. Nothing was surely all I would find there! I walked into a ladies’ hair salon, where nearly all my senses were enchanted, and not only that! The men’s one is by the business academy.
After a detour of my own I hurried over and the haircut could begin. Then I was scouting the terrain again, sticking to a single clue – look for the pizzeria near the cemetery. I found the cemetery in no time, and a road too, but unfortunately still the wrong one. I got halfway up the hill before I finally gave up and turned back. At the crossroads “beyond” Jablunkov there was indeed a pizzeria, but it was closed. I went down the stairs in the direction I expected, but there was just a road, and I ended up back in Jabko.
At the last moment, as if on cue, Honza called to ask where I had got to this time. He guided me in – he said it was right next to the gas station. I could already see the gas station from afar, and in front of it was a pizzeria. Had I finally reached the scene of the crime? Or would I end up with Chinese takeout? I also spotted a figure in the distance, but it never occurred to me that it could be someone I knew. I kept wondering whether I should slip away and check out that pizzeria. But then Honza called out, so there was nothing left to decide. We started chatting.
He had been put in charge of buying Red Bull at the gas station and was wearing a brand-new, expensive jacket. In my no-name suit I couldn’t hold a candle to him. In front of the fateful building stood Marie K., who was acting a little strange, but that was because I was already there. Maybe I give off some kind of radiation, or work like a mirror, or ….
Upstairs was the materialized reality of the stories Honza had told. An intimate setup of pushed-together tables, a couch, a bench, a table. We unpacked Alpine-style bottles, whereupon Marie K. noticed there was a bottle per person and plenty more. Everything was ready to go off; all it took was to light the fuse. I fired up the laptop and Luca was already feeding it her CDs.
Others came hitchhiking, catching a ride from Mone. We all poured ourselves shots, clinked glasses, let out a quick “cheers” and knocked them back. Right after that the same ritual continued, only the word changed to “bottoms up”. On the table were prizes for the contest winners, photos of us from past years, the laptop and lots of other things.
The sound system consisted of small speakers belonging to Mirec. We sat down at the chairs, each of which had its own balloon with a name on it. I was pleased to have the yellow one. There were 14 of us altogether – 5 (former) teachers and 9 students. From the teaching staff there were: Jakub Mrozek, Alena Maderova (sitting at the head of the table opposite Honza), Eva Jaraczova (who was expecting a baby), Josef Drahos, Stanislav Feruga. At first there were fears that the teachers would outnumber us, but the forecasts came to nothing.
We were served by two people – one of them was Lenka Kajzarova, who did the first year with us and then left to train as a cook. The main course was chicken with a side salad and potatoes, followed by dessert. Luca struggled to finish such a big portion and asked me whether I would finish it for her. I had no objections, if only because I was as starved as a struggling writer. After she swallowed the last bite I tried to change her mind, but her decision would not budge an inch.
The only person who seemed off to me was Mr. Feruga, who was lost in thought, no doubt immersed in some deep, complex, groundbreaking and revolutionary idea. After the meal it was contest time. First in line was who was who – the students of 4.E. Many heads know more than one, so there were hardly any problems or hang-ups. They worked efficiently by the process of elimination, so the identities in the photos soon rang out over the airwaves. This was just the beginning, and next came knowledge quizzes and tongue twisters.
It annoyed me a little that Professor Feruga misunderstood my second question because of communication noise. It went like this: What language is source code natively translated into? The answer was machine code. I chose this question partly because we had recently covered it in a seminar, so I wouldn’t be out to lunch.
And speaking of lunch, there were 2 serving bowls – 1 in front of me and the other in front of Honza. The seating order was as follows: Alena Maderova, Eva Jaraczova, Stanislav Feruga, yours truly, Lucia Smreckova, Marie Polokova, Monika Cmielova, Honza Wojnar, Miroslava Cmielova, Petra Jahodova, Marie Kantorova, Dominika Rusnokova, Josef Drahos, Jakub Mrozek.
Next came the premiere of a light-hearted contest, a kind of mystery box – identify the object, easier said than done when you can’t see it. Fortunately, some of the ideas never saw the light of day, even though they were very bright. The final was between Pepa and Evka, and I think Pepik won. A pity, because first prize was those coloring books.
A game is a game, honor to the winners, glory to the defeated. During the games, which I didn’t take part in because I have no official title and nobody was talking to me, I passed the time by filling my stomach. Unfortunately, that also cut my own time short at this Party. I went to the toilet 2-3 times, always only when I couldn’t hold it any longer.
Soon I swapped the shot for a soft drink and the glass for alcohol. Luca had been recruited as chief camera operator, so at least there was a bit of room next to me. It’s not that I was trading company for elbow room, but my interests weren’t front and center. On top of that, constantly taking photos was Majda, who lent her good mood to everyone else. I didn’t keep much track of time, I just drank, since I had shelled out 800 CZK for it. All in all I drank about 4 liters of 8 different drinks – the 1st glass, the 2nd glass (if it was different), Relax orange juice, Kofola, Korunni, Vodka 42, Pushkin, wine and one more – I can’t remember it now.
I didn’t feel weak at all as long as I held on and stayed alert, but as soon as I consciously let go, I started swaying from side to side, and that is where all my memories end. I’ve heard that I then toppled over and probably broke a chair in the process (when I came to collect the laptop on Saturday, I argued with the manager that it couldn’t have been me). On the way downstairs I apparently threw up massively, because they wanted me to pay for that too. The manager talked only about the toilet, and I didn’t ask her for details, so I’ll hardly ever find out now what really happened.
A ride had already been called for me, and I was led outside by Honza, because I didn’t want to go with anyone else. Outside I still felt the urge to stroll around, and I usually came to a halt against cars or a fence. I needed constant supervision, because right next to us ran the main road to Slovakia. Eventually a car arrived, probably a friend of Petra’s, who together with Mirec drove me to Tesin, to the Billa store. There I leaned against a pole, with Mirec on one side and Petra on the other, and I was picked up by almost the whole family – andrem, tit and mim.
Apparently I also threw up in the car, and at home in the sink, because I was probably half-consciously thinking it was the most suitable place for my vomit. And finally in bed too, even though I was already asleep. As long as I was on my feet I was still calm, but once I lay down I started cursing everyone so badly that it made hair stand on end, and not only on people’s heads. In the morning I got up at 8:00, and the 1st thing – naturally – was: where is the laptop? I asked mim to look into the situation. She sent Professor Maderova a message, and the reply came at around 10: things would be clearer by noon. In the afternoon they went into town and mim came back so furious that she even claimed that Maderova was someone she would never look in the eye again. Apparently they talked on the phone for “as long as” 1 hour and the whole time she learned nothing. We, that is mim, paid for the call. Was it just going round in circles?
Where is the laptop – Radek had better worry about the damage he caused, and so on, over and over. During the break it was school time, and the next round began at the parent-teacher meetings, where Professor Maderova, for some unknown reason (says mim), decided to apologize to mim. From then on I have been the black sheep in my homeroom teacher’s eyes. All the bottles left over were finished off on the town square by Honza together with Sikorova (a teacher at SOS Jabko) and little Jahoda (Peta‘s brother), who even ran off ahead with them. Some wine stayed with Majda P. and also with Petra; we all know the story “about the bottle under the bed”.
The toys we received for the induction ceremony (which I’ll describe if I ever get around to that part of this article) are all at Majda P.‘s place. Plenty of other things happened at the event that I don’t have time for now, though they are no less interesting. What matters most is that around midnight intruders set foot on the premises and cleverly confiscated the laptop.
The fun started up again where it had left off, just in a different place – at Silezka. It went on until about 3 in the morning, after which everyone checked into the Top Hotel at Majda‘s. For Majda P., however, all this revelry was just the appetizer, and the main course was yet to come – partying at the rock club. In the morning she brought a whole gang over for a visit, one of whom had a very distinctive greeting, namely “Good Morning, Vietnam”, which annoyed more than a few people. The next working day Honza claimed there must have been at least 20 of them, but that number turned out to be wildly exaggerated; the final count is 8.
In any case, Honza complained that Monika snores like his grandma. In the morning, as she was leaving for work, Majda’s mother went looking for Majda, who was off running around outside in something. So she explained that she would at least leave them the dog, and set off toward a brighter tomorrow. And that was a very condensed account of the ribbon party of class 4.E, a class of 8 full-time students and 1 individual-study student.