Yesterday Muhe explained a few things to me about self-confidence and how to gain it, so now I will try to pass it on to you here. When Muhe and I were talking about how to gain self-confidence, the first thing I wrote was that a person has to set goals in life, and that reaching them will boost their self-confidence.
Of course, Muhe turned that upside down a bit and said this is not the way, because if those goals are absurdly big and therefore unachievable, all you get out of it is frustration and unmet expectations. We talked a little longer, and since I still could not figure it out, Muhe exclaimed: “you have to respect yourself“.
I admit I would never have said it could be that simple, but Muhe was right. Today Muhe sent me a short but all the more beautiful document, and I will try to share some of its ideas with you here:
- Humans are fallible creatures. However, a person should not try to turn their natural talent into something else, because they will never be as good at it as at the natural one. A person cannot influence their genetic makeup, no matter how hard they try.
- A person has the right to go against the majority, and the majority should accept it. We are all different, and unless it is outright trolling and it really is their talent, that talent should not be thrown away.
- You need to learn to accept yourself, with all your flaws and strengths. If possible, turn your flaws into strengths and make yourself into something more exceptional – again, do not just follow the majority.
- Every being is an individual and every person is an original. Nobody has the right to place themselves above another person; everyone was born with different abilities, and all people can complement each other wonderfully.
- Low self-confidence is the result of long-term underestimation of one’s personality and of constant jabs at one’s person, behavior and expression. A person has learned to distrust themselves and to underestimate themselves, and is convinced that they must change themselves rather than the way they look at themselves and at the world.
- Problems should always be solved while still in their infancy. Otherwise, a person gets used to the problem and learns to live with it. But every problem gives birth to more problems, and the longer we fail to fight the first (biggest) problem, the more problems await us, behaving like a snowball rolling down a snowy mountain. What I mean is that problems that are denied or left unsolved keep getting bigger, even though the person does not notice, because they already know how to live with them, adapt to them and grow along with them.
- Another category is the main problem. A person has a problem that they do not want to or cannot solve. They create other problems that they can solve, but this brings them no joy, relief or benefit. On the contrary, it brings frustration, because instead of the expected result, only disappointment comes. Such behavior can lead to depression and a worsened self-image. Finally, the 3 stages of solving a problem:
- Stop denying it. If we deny a problem, we logically do not solve it, so we cannot get rid of it either
- Acknowledge it. At this stage it is important to identify the problem further, so that we have enough information for stage 3.
- Solve the problem, communicate with people. Problems are not solved by withdrawing into yourself, but by talking with the people close to you.